


they all left one by one

by cryystal_m00n



Category: The Rose (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Broken Friendships, Dreams, Gen, Park Dojoon | Leo-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 21:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21215219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryystal_m00n/pseuds/cryystal_m00n
Summary: the moment hajoon left, dojoon has never been the same.





	they all left one by one

**Author's Note:**

> title is from no fun by joji  
enjoy

the moment hajoon left, dojoon has never been the same. it was his fault, that much was never up to debate, but  _ fuck _ , even when he knows he did this to himself, dojoon can’t help but be sad. no, not sad, devastated. 

the first few days had been the hardest. he thought, as selfish as it sounds, that if he hurt himself, hajoon would come back. he realized it won’t happen when he passed out from malnutrition and he woke up to an empty hospital room. 

dojoon deserves the pain, he knows that. dojoon deserves to be left behind, he knows that. but he wishes, when he’s supposed to be asleep, that his best friend would come back. 

he misses hajoon so  _ fucking much. _ he misses him more and more everyday, but he knows he has to move on from this part of his life, to put behind him those twelve years of friendship and focus on himself. 

it’s hard, especially when he has absolutely no one to rely on. woosung walked out of his life a few months before hajoon, and with him he took jaehyeong. he and benji fell apart and now dojoon is simply on his own. 

dojoon thinks he’s getting better when he can look back at his and hajoon’s relationship and not cry. he thinks he’s getting better when he can tell people about how he doesn't care about the people that left him, how he’s happy and ready to embrace new friendships with open arms. 

he thinks he’s getting better until the first dream happens. 

_ it comes out of nowhere, suddenly the glade turns into a hall and when he turns to look around he finds hajoon, waiting for him-- smiling at him. it’s the same smile he used to give him before he stopped to look at him altogether.  _

_ dojoon acts before he thinks. he runs straight into hajoon’s arms, holding onto him as if with just one wrong touch he could disappear.  _

_ “you ok, dude? you don’t usually hug me.” _

_ dojoon just muffles a sob in the younger’s shoulder, and while still holding onto him, he says, “yeah, joonie. i just missed you a lot.” _

he wakes up before he can take a good look at his… old friend. but it’s ok, he got to see him; that’s all he cares about. 

* * *

the dreams come back, and each time they’re longer, more realistic than the last one. in a particular one, woosung and jaehyeong appear too. dojoon wakes up crying that night, and with shaky hands he opens an album on his phone he is too scared to delete. 

he falls back asleep still crying, clutching the phone in his hand so hard that his knuckles turn white. the screen goes black, but in the morning, the photo of his friends greet him like a punch in his heart. 

* * *

_ “do you regret it?” hajoon asks, leaning on dojoon’s side as they walk through the busy streets.  _

_ “do i regret what?” _

_ “what you did, what pushed us away.”  _

_ dojoon stops, even if hajoon continues to walk, albeit unaware of the elder’s reaction. he speaks to no one and everyone, but he doubts that his words are heard, “so much, joonie. every day i think of what would my life be like if i didn’t do that one simple mistake. you might’ve left anyway later, but if i could’ve had you in my life for a bit longer, if you could’ve given me a chance to explain myself… i know my words mean nothing now, but i wish you would’ve listened instead of ignoring me, of not even bothering to look at me. you hurt me as much as i hurt you, and if you wanted to do that, congratulations; you did it.  _

_ “but, i still can’t bring myself to hate you. the only hate i have is saved for myself. i wish you’d come back, that you’d message me out of nowhere, asking me how i am. do you even care anymore? do you stop to think about me? do you-- if i came into your mind, what do you feel? resentment or happiness? a longing for what we had? i think you moved on-- i… i hope you moved on. i hope you’re happy and that you found someone to treat you right.  _

_ “at least i get to experience your love in my dreams, y’know? so please don’t leave from here too. i need the closure. i need the-- the feeling of having a best friend again…” _

_ he takes a deep breath and continues to walk, catching up with hajoon who is still walking, talking to a dojoon who isn’t there. that’s what it must feel to have these dreams, these one sided conversations with a hajoon who doesn’t exist anywhere but inside his dreams.  _

* * *

dojoon inhales, his finger hovering above the delete button. he’s going to do it, delete every bit of hajoon left in his life, act as if this is but a mistake, something that he will not repeat in his life ever again. 

he won’t have any new best friends, he will keep to himself, that way he doesn’t risk hurting others anymore. 

his phone beeps, stopping him from what he is supposed to do. 

** _hajoonie (❍ᴥ❍ʋ) _ ** _ (now) _

hi

dojoon’s breathing stops. 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/cryystal_moon)   
[curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cryystal_moon)


End file.
